Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
