I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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