if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
