I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
