Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
They took my balls.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
