Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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