you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
