would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
