I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
