We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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