Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize