This is not my ceiling
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just tell him i said nine months
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
