Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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