Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize