Got a toothbrush?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
