Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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