I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
