I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
