I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
