He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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