What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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