My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
