My room smells like vodka and shame
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
