He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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