that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I deserve this hangover.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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