I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
