You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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