Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I would fuck him just for his dog
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