He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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