This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
