I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
