The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will pee on everything he values.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
