I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
