Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
