Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
