Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
