No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
