I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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