he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
