? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
