ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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