I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
