capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are a genius and a whore.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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