You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
