I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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