I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
