Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
