If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
