I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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