I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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