Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize