Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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