We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
