you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
is it fun? or sober?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
