Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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