Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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