Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
