Acid is not a monday night drug
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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