I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
