I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
