i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
