Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
