so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
