Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
