someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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