WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
