you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
