brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
