fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
