spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
