I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
