he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
